Who Am I? (inspired by my sister's blog)

I'm Ryan Evan Shaw Ferguson. I've got big dreams, and I'm the only person who can possibly hold myself back. I'm indecisive from the fear of failure, or further indecision. I want to do the right thing before I do the wrong thing, but I remind myself that you've got to make the wrong decisions before knowing what the right ones are.

I'm very emotional, but I hide my sentiment behind reserved expressions and crossed arms. I'm over-dramatic, as in, I see my life as movies; one thing going well is an inspirational box office hit, and my miseries are black and white indie films.

Growing up, I've only ever wanted the attention and affection that my parents shared so sparingly. I'm understanding; they did the best they could. I never went hungry. I only wish to be the kind of father that's got all his ducks in a row, one that can spend the time doing things with his kids. I want to wake my son at 10am, long after the school bus has gone, and take him to the movies and his favorite restaurant; I want him to know that there is always time to enjoy life. I want to tell my precious daughter that she's beautiful, every single day.

I want my wife to know that she's all I've ever prayed for, and that I'd do anything to make her smile. I'll make fun of myself when she's feeling insecure, I'll declare my undying love for her in the most crowded room I can find, and I'll tell her everything about myself so she can always cut me down to size when I've gotten a little cocky.

I love music that speaks to me, books that live out my fantasies, and movies that make me laugh myself to tears. I love the cliche' moments when friends and family unite and have a good time, laughing and sharing love for each other, without shame and without judgment. I cry during weddings, even if the marriages they signify are short-lived; the hopeful hearts uniting as one, in a childish attempt at eternal happiness.

I want to spend my life, making people feel. I want to make them laugh, or cry, or realize, that there are no limits. I want to teach people that anyone who quits before they start, will forever be unhappy. I want the mass to feel as one. I want to tell children that its okay to feel, its okay to cry in public, its okay to let each other know how we feel. Those feelings are the only things we truly have in common, so we've got to share them with each other.

I hope that I'll know when I'm dying, so I can say goodbye to everyone I know, tell them I love them, and forgive the people who have hurt me; I also want to forgive myself for the mistakes I've made, and make my peace with God.